Monday, December 31, 2007
Dearest Chaota in 2008,
So Glad..
that during the hols, i had time to recharge before the new year arrive.
Which means in less than 6 hours time,
foresee many things to come in my way.
with much anticipation.
Guess i was lucky enough to be on the trip and get a chance to recharge myself after an eventful 2007 which at several times almost caused me to break down but i held on.
Good thing is I have learnt and moved on.
Most importantly, have let it go.
Started to think about the things that I want to do in 2008.
In the past, i always take one step at a time.
But 2007 has shown me how fragile life is.
esp the fall in chiangmai. my near-death experience.
During the times in chiangmai, where i am oblivious to everything that is happening around me. Maybe because it's a totally new environment.
I had the chance to put people whom i love and care for aside, put my external commitments aside and leave my emotions behind.
Finally it was just me and myself under the blanket of stars.
I thought about what this life means to me.
To myself.
I know how fragile life is, but what can I do to make it more meaningful.
I know I exist not just to go through kindergarden, primary school, secondary school, junior college, university, get a job, buy a car, start a family, have kids, become grandma and then enjoy old age and die.
I know I exist to do something more than just that.
Life is not just about what it is but creating life for what it means to you.
Because this is YOUR life and not just anyone's.
I have been getting many things out of this life despite not owning it yet.
But I know in 2008 i need to give something back.
maybe to the people whom i love.
maybe to the society.
maybe to something that i love.
I am not sure yet.
But one thing I am very sure is i need to find love.
I need to love myself.
My friend once said: Before you love someone, you need to love yourself first. That's when u can love someone unconditionally.
Another friend once wrote: When you are in a relationship, you need to love at least 2 persons. Other than your partner, it's you.
Many a times, in the relationship, I asked myself.
Am i ready for this?
I still question.
I still expect.
I still fear.
All in the means to reassure myself..
And..
because I don't love myself enough.
It's time that i learn to give myself credit. and not from anyone else.
Because, I know..
without that, it's tormenting and hurting.
Unconditional love.
I hope I can find you in 2008.
Lots of love,
Chaota . 2007
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
it's XMAS today!
decided to blog since i have nothing to do.. hehe.. (":
thinking about the kids in chiangmai, wonder if they are having a wonderful time too!
somehow their happiness seems to come from within themselves unlike city kids like us who derives happiness from other people, other objects etc.
watching them play at the river, jumping into our mud pits, climbing all over us how rejuvenating can that be.
though i came back home with sausage fingers - all swollen and itchy,
but this trip was superb!
just a 1.5hr drive from chiangmai city area and the surroundings can be so different!
coming here just makes me want to forget about singapore, forget everyone at singapore, forget everything that i had back in singapore.
so it was just the park, the elephants, the stars, the rivers and me.
when was the last time you wake up to the sound of the rooster..
when was the last time you felt damn awake after splashing your face with ice cold water in the morning..
when was the last time you walked by the park and you see animals so up close..
when was the last time you ate ice cream, took a slow stroll and truely enjoy the taste of it all..
when was the last time you toiled hard under the sun but had no complains..
when was the last time you played by the river bank and let the river waters carry you downstream..
when was the last time you sat by the bonfire and just chill with a glass of sang som (some thai liquor)..
when was the last time you slept under the blanket of stars..?
i did that all for the last 2 weeks!! *happie*
so glad i plucked up all my courage to go for this trip!
definitely one of my top 5 moments in smu!
shiok to the max! woohoooo!
people there are nice, food is good, view is just breath-taking!
can't believe i cried when we parted with the people there. i've learnt so much from them.
no complaints- just do- spirit
though i almost had a near death experience, suffered some scratches and a few bruises, but i guess we are all safe and sound back home. (:
now i just hoped that my sausage fingers can return to its normal shape again :P
hope to go back there again with some friends! weeeeeeee...
give u all a taste of chiangmai first! wait till i get all the pics from my teammates!
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
I know that after 21, nothing is going to be the same again.
Everything will be a new start and a new beginning.
I so look forward to that!
Today is the graduation party.
Really really happie to have achieved so much till this point in time.
And coincidentally it was my 21.
Did i plan for it to happen just right at this time? subconsciously?
Someone told me before, if you want something badly, the world will conspire to make it happen for u.
But of course, you need to do your work first.
Work done is after all a function of effort (force).
Though mr woo and my parents can't be there for me, but i am glad i have dexti, zeoane, esther, peiying and my many other friends from ECI to celebrate with me.
I realised that i am really growing up.
Something I fear but also something that I look forward to.
I guess when you grow up, you become empowered.
But empowerment comes with great responsibilities.
21 was a total blast for me. blew me off totally.
and i am so glad i acknowledge all the people that played a part in my life.
you guys are so impt to me!
And now, i feel even braver to embark on this journey of my own.
with greater clarity and courage.
Thanks so much everyone. sincerely.
-chaotagirl miss her sailorboy who sailed out in a rush. wish i was awake enuff and had the time to say ' i love you' before you left-
.CHAOTA-FIED.
