.this is my life.

Friday, August 31, 2007

seriously. i have grown to realise that there are so many things that i should be occupied with.

coz of the ignorance and stubborn me. my poor brain has to suffer.

why do i care about the trivial things so much and let it invade my piece of mind.

so brain suffer no more!!

Ahhhh~~~~~ i want to remember all this!! (sorrie friends i have to be abit selfish on this entry!)

chaota loves this boy.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

AH!! so love you!!

.CHAOTA-FIED.

how funny if love comes with warranty.

Everyone will feel secure and loved.
Everyone will not quarrel.
Everyone will trust.

but if love really comes with warranty, i guess it wouldn't be love anymore.

deformed love.

love must come without warranty.definitely for me.
if not, how would u know u're are the fortunate one in love?

.chaota. hopes 'she' can rediscover the happiness she once knew.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

sometimes it's good to not use fruity body foam eg. passion fruit, papaya
i swear you never want take them as drink again.

.chaota prefers the smell of passion fruit to the taste.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

Friday, August 17, 2007

was at ASMU retreat! see me hard at work!

so hard at work that i aso dun care abt image le! hehee...

seh at nite already.

still alive in the day.

oh! how i love the pillar!

beginning of photowhores

we love bugs bunny sun!

in the clouds & rainbow.

our masterpiece!

.chaotagirl fun in the sun.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

the past 4 days had made happie memories for me.

never thought i would do something that erm.. outrageous but i did it. hah.

maybe coz there was a little risk involved since the trip thing is supposed to be kept a secret.

and the trip itself is a little risky already.

but anyhow maybe the risk made it all a little more exciting. for us (:

but it was really fun being together away from the country.

it was like so merrily happie! wonder if there was such a word.

oh well. surprisingly even though it was more dangerous there but i had no sense of 'insecurity'

no worries and unhappiness!

just like the first month of knowing each other.

everything was untainted.

almost i guess. back in spore we still have to face what lies ahead of us.

but i feel i am more confident now.

looking forward to our next trip! (hope by the next trip we wun have to be so secretive anymore :'P)

. chaota left him only a small choc bit of the last pocky stick. hehe.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Currently at the World Cyber Games ASIAN Championship Singapore NAtional Finals!
liaos.. pardon for the longy name. blame the person who came up with it.
i am all here damn pumped up by all the cybergames excitement! never that excited!!

but i am like how a cyber-game idiot. the only cyber cyber game that i ever played was probably the racing car kind you know. like the dakota at arcade. not those like cool fighting kind when u need strategy.
you probably can find a dummies guide at my booth. hahah :P

How I wish i was a Super duper zai chick who noes how to play every single.. and single.. and single one of those cyber games. DOTA..CS..Warcraft..DEad or Alive.. u named it i can play it all and thrash every single guy at the championship.
That's like how COoL! (ok.. my feminist side is acting up again.. hehe)
okae i am dreaming..that's never going to happen..keke ><

Urgh been having this thought: Regreted not buying that biggie spongey bob from Penang the other time. i know it's been quite sometime since i returned from the trip but i still think about it.

Hai.. Biggie Cuddly Spongebob when are u ever mine?

.your dearest Chaota Spongey girl.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

What is the meaning of love..
i think that's what been often on our mind.
esp when our love life doesn't work out.

We lose faith in love and think if love ever does exists for us.

A friend of mine felt this way.

But this is what i told her:
When love fails, it's normal that we questioned the meaning of love ourselves.
We always thought that true loves always have happie endings just like those in the fairy tales.

But when all these fall through,
we began to doubt love.
doubt if love ever exists.
doubt if love is ever true.
doubt the meaning of love.

We might even feel that all that had happen before 'our love' fails was delusional. unreal like some might say. But for myself, I always believe that love will still exists, even if i might have negative thoughts along the way but i will stay positive about it.
Be happie with yourself, love yourself and love sure will exist. As for the meaning of love, i guess it's not just up to ourselves to decide but also on people that we loved dearly. why search for the meaning of love so hard yourself when love is about two people?
Let him/her define love with you. It's not a lonely battle.

My friend said: Relationship can make a person very happie but can also be very tired at times.

A risk to believe in love which everyone fears just like why we fear the word' trust'
but no risk no love.

you 've already placed your 'stake' once you 'are in love'.
your youth, your time, your effort, your trust.
and yourself as a person.
To feel love and loved, accept the tiring times as if they were the risks in relationships, stakes that you lost. Learn to remember the winning moments, the happie moments instead. Learn to win back the stakes. That should be the overwhelming factor.

.remember true loves do not have happie endings but happie beginnings.
.happie chaotagirl.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

was listening to the radio and heard this song ' 勇气' by 梁静如
expresses my feelings so well (:

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义

我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

。勇敢地相信自己的爱情。

.CHAOTA-FIED.

i wasn't about to discuss abt all that had happened since last week.
until someone asked abt it today out of concern.

all the time when i was tryin not to think about it or talk about it.
coz i was trying to forget.
and i thot that if i really loved someone alot, i will and must forget.

but she made me realised that i don't have to be so hard on myself.
to learn to forget. and to force myself to forget.

it's going to make things way too difficult.

all the time when i thought i have always been positive about everything.
even a super duper real lousy day, i can make myself feel good.
but why not now? Am i losing my positive thinking?

but she said it's hard to remain positive at times when u feel so sad because someone you cared about has just intentionally or unintentionally hurt u.so it's alright that i couldn't be positive about it.

i think it kind of assure me that i am still behaving like myself and not trying to be pessimistic or anything. (thgh i am not saying that being a pessimist is bad but it is just not me)
And i am beginning to feel that what she said was right.

Maybe it's because i forced myself to forget about everything. which is totally impossible that makes me feel really difficult, realising that it was hard to convince myself on that.
I think it makes more sense to me, to say that, if you really love someone, you should learn to accept. instead of just forget.

Accept what has happened and what it is to come.
Accept his past.
Accept his love for me.

i think it's easier to learn to accept a not-so-good experience or a negative experience. then to continue to repel it. at least you know you are appeased with it and you don't have to waste any extra energy to repel it. save the energy for the future. after all what has happened has passed.

As much as i am unsure if i really trust him then and now, i knew that i did.
And i do. if not i wouldn't have to struggle so much.
Like what i always believe, our relationship wouldn't have space for both our past.
I should not forget about his past but learn to accept it. Accept it as a part of him.
If you really love someone, you should love every part of him too rite..?
Just like how u can tahan his nose-digging even though it may seem unfavourable to you.

I should always bear that in mind.

. happie chaota. i love you >< always do.

.CHAOTA-FIED.

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