Friday, November 24, 2006
sometimes i jus wonder how strong this chaotagirl is..
how not to let ur emotions and feelings go wild with your thoughts..
sometimes i jus wonder whether chaotagirl's thoughts can sometimes be considered rationale..
but does it have to be rationale all the time.. like ALL THE TIME?
can we give ourselves just a tiny winy bit of leeway just to go with our feelings..?
even though at times you may not know where it comes from and why u feel this way.
you wish you knew.
i know i am not one who can control how i feel or what i am feeling.
maybe i could but not all the times.
maybe i think too much some might say. but well... who doesn't think rite?
just a matter of whether you let your thoughts engulfed you. or you just have that courage to let it go.
the fear of letting it go.
because you don't know if it will come back to you again once you set your thoughts free.
sometimes you rather be in control so that it wouldn't hurt so much.
but still. it hurts.
to me.. worst thoughts are those you don't know where it comes from.
like you wish you knew.
because you want to know how to stop it and the only way is to know where it's from.
sometimes your thoughts get so overwhelming.
that you just have to say it out.
and the weirdest thing is the feeling fades off the next morning you woke up.
and you will start thinking why did you ever had such thoughts.
thoughts that should never ever be set upon.
then it set off another trend of thoughts.
think positive. can i?
just wish i can do that before i start telling my 'bro' what i feel.
or before i start telling him what i feel.
sometimes i dun know if it's ok to just say what i think.
it seems wrong.
but aren't we suppose to be true to ourselves?
hmmm...
i think if a person is true to you, he/she will understand even if what you think may not sound right to them.
so i wouldn't try so hard to explain myself anymore.
gets a bit tiring.
been a little tired lately.
even though i have a lot of things to say, to share.
but sometimes you jus don't feel like saying it out.
gets tiring when you feel like you are the one doing the talking. like most of the time.
like when you are the one always giving.
though usually it's something that i can't help it.
not that you expect something in return.
but you just expect at least that bit of effort from the other.
to KNOW that it's worth your effort.
is that too much? hmm.
just another random thought.
-chaotaGirl wish to be chaotaGirl so much again-
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I may not know what i can do for him now..
I may not be able to feel how he feels now..
but I only know that I'll stand by him no matter what happens.
- a promise from chaotagirl -
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tears of disappointment
Tears of joy
i have experienced both all in a day.
disppointment when we didn't get into the finals during the semifinals.
jus a mere 0.44 secs.
and we lost it.
didn't want to face the truth.
but it jus hits you hard in the face when you see the scoreboard.
train damn hard for the race.
and we all knew we wanted to get into the finals badly.
we want to get our first medal.
maybe we just don't deserve it yet.
but i just couldn't control the tears..
but i told myself..
we are going to come back stronger especially the girls!
definitely.
we want the medal that belongs to us.
tears of joy.
i am just so glad that the guys got it back for us (:
was there to watch them glide through the finishing line.
that moment..
i will never forget that.
this time i couldn't control my tears too.
All of us waited so long for this.
one year of waiting.
after 3 races.
finally we got what is meant for us.
can't stop the tears from flowing.
up till now i can still feel it. *happie*
next race MR500 we are going to make another milestone again.
impossible is nothing.
-chaotagirl loves her dragonboaters-
.CHAOTA-FIED.
We finally won our first medal at regatta!! IVP Men 3rd *woohoo*
Moments of winning 
us and our coach. Love them!!
The guys. The medals. The winning smiles.
100plus and bananas. our food stock.
while waiting for the race, some were mugging.
or doing sudoko. check out the amount of liquid paper used by alvin.
or see who can snatch the most cashew nuts. *jeez*
two of the many photowhores in the team. debbie n me!
me and angela (:
me and my 'liu lian tou' bro wilson.
the girls and lao shi. love them too!!
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Friday, November 10, 2006
was on my way home on the train today at city hall.
somewhere at ard kallang or lavender...
this family boarded the damn super packed train.
and this little girl who was holding her papa's hand was crying damn badly.
she was practically throwing her tantrum right in front of so many pairs of eyes.
wailing and wailing and wailing non-stop.
and usually in this situation like i have seen many a times on the train,
the father or mother will scold the child or beat his/her buttocks.
but i was totally taken aback by the father.
the father was still talking super calmly to his daughter..very steady and firm..
trying to pacify her with her small umbrella.. and the whole time the girl was still wailing like nobody's business..
the father was still telling her not to anyhow swing her umbrella if not it will hit the passenger sitting beside her and all that..trying to divert her attention by asking her to look out at the scenery.. interact with the auntie besides the girl..
the whole time he was so so patient.. talking to her calmly and slowly the girl's wailing simmered down and soon she was already all happie and mischievous again..like any other child.
i was so impressed with the father. seldom have i see parents like him.
father & daughter. is that how they are bonded?
hmmm... (: so nice and heartwarming scene..
in about 10 hrs time.. River regatta!!
so excited about it!!! finally.. time to prove ourselves and do ourselves proud!
Row with pride and no regrets!! be back on sunday and get the medal!! Sak Sak Sak!!
-chaotagirl is going to row her hearts out for tomorrow-
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Today when i reached school, i realised i forgot to bring my hp.
so Mr fishy says...
How to be Fishy #7.1: When you forgot to bring your handphone
How to be Fishy #7.2: When you use amadeo's hp to tell me you didn't bring your handphone.
How to be Fishy #7.3: When you start laughing like mad when you read the 2 phrases.
How to be Fishy #7.4: When you realised why your name is Cai Cai.
-courtesy of mr fishy-
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
just finish training today.. damn shag!
i think not jus today.. trainings have been really mentally tiring as Regatta approaches..
River regatta in 7 days time!! this coming saturday!!
so to all my dearest frens.. if u have time can come down on Saturday at Boat Quay there near UOB Building to support us.. i will be very happiee to see u guys.. hehehe..
best if u can come on Sunday (that's our finals!)
we will get into finals! hahhaa.. so zhuai rite.. :'P i mean we work so hard, this year we mus see the medal!
All of us have been training damn hard for this coming race too..
when we know that we did not do a good race set during training we get affected by it.
coz we know how badly we want the medal.
today's training was a bit demoralizing coz our pulling strokes are not there yet.
hmm.. i think maybe we let tiredness overwhelm us too often.
mind over body. easy to do but hard to execute.
but we mus perserve! cannot 对不起 ourselves! row hard team SMU for our first medal!!
today when i saw mr fishy i was really very happie!
haven felt that for the last week at least..
coz things are getting very busy with mr fishy side..
thgh i get to see him like when he is working hard for his projects..reports..
but there only little chance when we get to like poke fun at each other..
even talking online seems to be kind of like a waiting game.. waiting for him to respond..
but i noe it's not his fault coz he has to do work too.
i am not exactly very free myself but slightly free-er. hah.
so last week.. i seem to get upset easily when we had little time for each other..
and i was wondering why the whole time.. coz that's not like me..
then it struck me.
i seem to forget the optimistic chaota girl that i have always been especially so when it comes to issues between him n me.
like i get upset when i have to wait a bit longer for his reply on msn.
like i get upset when i have to be the one accomodating to his schedule.
like i get upset when he can't have time for me.
i realised that if i can look a bit more on the bright side, then probably i wouldn't be so upset.
i should appreciate the fact that he took time to talk to me online even when he's busy with work.
i should appreciate the fact that he tries to see me even when he had project meetings..
and i realised that sometimes even if we can still be there for each other in between project meetings n study, it's better than not seeing each other at all.
it's time when i should be more understanding when he's already that busy and not bogged him down with more issues.
just thought that this is something i want to share. coz i felt i really learnt alot.
people always say when both people are growing in a relationship, that's a healthy relationship right?
i guess things will seem a little harder to get by when we are both still studying..
but i feel it will be best to let our relationship be in sync with our studies and not treat them as separate entities. If not, it seems as if one of it will get compromise sooner or later which should not be the case (:
it's so nice to know that we are teaching each other how to love each other more.
-fishy. contented.-
(P.S: living each day to make you happie too! (":)
.CHAOTA-FIED.
Moments of winning 
