Wednesday, August 01, 2007
i wasn't about to discuss abt all that had happened since last week.
until someone asked abt it today out of concern.
all the time when i was tryin not to think about it or talk about it.
coz i was trying to forget.
and i thot that if i really loved someone alot, i will and must forget.
but she made me realised that i don't have to be so hard on myself.
to learn to forget. and to force myself to forget.
it's going to make things way too difficult.
all the time when i thought i have always been positive about everything.
even a super duper real lousy day, i can make myself feel good.
but why not now? Am i losing my positive thinking?
but she said it's hard to remain positive at times when u feel so sad because someone you cared about has just intentionally or unintentionally hurt u.so it's alright that i couldn't be positive about it.
i think it kind of assure me that i am still behaving like myself and not trying to be pessimistic or anything. (thgh i am not saying that being a pessimist is bad but it is just not me)
And i am beginning to feel that what she said was right.
Maybe it's because i forced myself to forget about everything. which is totally impossible that makes me feel really difficult, realising that it was hard to convince myself on that.
I think it makes more sense to me, to say that, if you really love someone, you should learn to accept. instead of just forget.
Accept what has happened and what it is to come.
Accept his past.
Accept his love for me.
i think it's easier to learn to accept a not-so-good experience or a negative experience. then to continue to repel it. at least you know you are appeased with it and you don't have to waste any extra energy to repel it. save the energy for the future. after all what has happened has passed.
As much as i am unsure if i really trust him then and now, i knew that i did.
And i do. if not i wouldn't have to struggle so much.
Like what i always believe, our relationship wouldn't have space for both our past.
I should not forget about his past but learn to accept it. Accept it as a part of him.
If you really love someone, you should love every part of him too rite..?
Just like how u can tahan his nose-digging even though it may seem unfavourable to you.
I should always bear that in mind.
. happie chaota. i love you >< always do.
.CHAOTA-FIED.
