Sunday, September 03, 2006
so glad that watershock is the last biggie event that i am going to be involved in since the start of summer hols..
okay.. if u don't include the world bank/ imf thingy which is coming up soon..
created some troubles for most of the smu students..
went for so many trainings..
made me walk to admin block from school at least 3 times.. jus to collect my uniform ><>
i mean i need exercise but i rather run my 21.5km..
which i did :D so proud to say that..
anyway that was like a week ago thingy..
rite now.. flipping through my bright strippy book which has been with me since my last bdae (from jianjie..)
quite scary to see my weekly schedule..
totally packed..
a few days ago i was just telling my fren that i kind of enjoyed my days to be so packed coz he asked if i am tired doing all those stuff...
i always thought at least i am doin sth mah.. work or anything at all and not slacking around..
he replied: wait till week 8 or sth..then probably u will give me a different answer..
had my doubts then..
but hmm..actually don't need to wait that long.. i could feel it already.
at least yesterday..
mentally exhausted chaotagirl..
don't think it's a chaotagirl thing to be..
coz usually i am like on some drugs lidat.. damn high even when i only slept for 3 hours.. like yesterday in the day..
but yesterday.. my energy level after watershock dropped to immediate zero esp after dinner.
think maybe coz i din get proper sleep for the past week.. wasn't in my usual sleping position when i sleep coz i dozed off on my bed either with a book or handphone..
but i must confess i was really tired yesterday after the event..
people say that that's when your mind's like totally blank..
but i don't really agree..
somehow u kind of like start to daydream or think about things that shouldn't have mattered so much and you start to think negatively..
and you just can't resist not to.
and it's true.. now that i have gone through it..
there's really like this internal conflict within myself yesterday.
(wanted to blog about it yesterday night when i got home. but was too lazy to on my lappie.)
it's like this "devil" and "angel" thing..
we all seen it on tv dramas.. like a person having 2 extreme thoughts..
but i realised when u are tired.. the "devil"part gets the better of u.
in other words.. we get more negative.
never felt like this before.. or maybe it's coz of him.
but i had so many questions in my mind that i don't know how to put it across to him..
so i decided to just keep quiet in case i say the wrong things..
but i guess when u just want to be on your own, you tend to be cold towards another person like you just don't feel like talking even if the person beside you is the president or what..
know i shouldn't be this way.. but..
it's like a hungry person is an angry person..
so a tired person is a insensible person..
i don't know how to describe it but that's the best analogy i can give..
somehow u'll think in a way which u know u shouldn't..
things that don't bother u bothers u.
and it's definitely not his fault coz there are some things i have yet to get used to.
jus one of my really really tired days which is rare.
feels so sorrie to him ><
was wondering if i will be the same if i am with other people.
i don't think i will.
coz i think you will only show your real self to people whom you loved.
like u can quarrel like mad with your parents which you probably don't with your friends..
like you can be so nasty to your brothers..
like u can dig your nose at home but you don't do that in front of your friends.. (oh well.. maybe behind their backs? hehehe :P)
like i don't show my tiredness to friends coz tiredness is contagious and i don't want them to feel like me.. that's so negative..
maybe that's why i showed my tiredness to him.
because he is someone that i love and i don't need to hide myself from him.
and he understands why i am so exhausted. hopefully it didn't affect him though.
but i did feel bad after that. hee.. :P
coz he's also tired too after a day and he has to be treated like this by me..
sorrie mr fishy!!
hope i didn't make you feel upset. it's not your problem k..
and i promise i will take care of myself by getting more rest and not be involved in so many stuff..
rite now i need to recharge.. and i want to start rowing!!
miss dragonboat especially after yesterday's watershock..
P.S: if you think how come some parts of this entry dun really link from sentence to sentence, don't worry it's just ChaotaGirl's train of thoughts. usually it never links. hehehe :P
: [ ChaotaGirl blabbering fishy stuff] :
.CHAOTA-FIED.
